Guys and Sports

As a New Englander living in the land of the three-time champion Patriots, it is impossible to ignore that football season is upon us. And in my home, the all-day cheers blaring from the TV are a sure sign that fall is here.

This past weekend, I heard my husband call out as he scrolled through the Comcast Cable guide, "Great, I can switch between the Michigan-Notre Dame and BC-Army games. And then the Red Sox are on at 1:30. My day is set." It reminded me of a time last year, when my husband and son announced they were watching four things at once - the Pats, the Red Sox, USC and the Olympics-before adding, "And you're not allowed to complain about the clicking."

The whole quadruple sports-fest thing got me thinking about men, boys and sports-viewing. Now don't get the wrong idea. I love sports. I appreciate the drama of baseball, the athleticism of basketball and the thrill of football as much as the next guy. It's just that, like most women, I take a different approach to watching and digesting sports than men and boys do. Though I rarely watch an entire game of anything, when I do watch, I prefer to focus on one game at a time.

I can appreciate a good play, and love a come-from-behind victory. I especially like to see the underdog get the win. Just because I don't continuously click between commercials, obsess over detailed nuances and value the toughness of a play doesn't mean I'm not a sports fan. To me, the sports viewing habits of the guys in my home are simply beyond my understanding.

Take football, for example. Men and boys focus on far more than which team is scoring touchdowns. They like to see wide receivers and quarterbacks intimidated with hard hits that "make them think about it." They value the fine art of end-zone celebrations (dance moves, football spins and spikes, cell phone calls, Sharpie signatures.) They admire those who play hurt and express disdain for those who don't. They love discussing all the outside-of-game antics such as player squabbles and contract disputes. And of course, they proudly recite every statistic imaginable on every player, including but not limited to QB rating, interceptions, rushing yards and sacks.

And it's the same with baseball. Guys like it when pitchers intimidate batters with brush-back pitches (even occasionally hit a batter) to "make him think about it." They appreciate players who charge the mound, and scorn those who don't run their hardest to first base. They love the bench-clearing brawls that lead to player suspensions. They obsess over trade talks, multi-million dollar contracts and the atmosphere in the club house.

They talk about things like "respect." And of course, they revel in reciting every statistic imaginable on every player, including but not limited to ERAs, RBIs, IPs, Ks, HRs, saves and slugging percentages.

Basketball is no different. Guys appreciate perfectly executed dunks that psych-out the other team and "show they're in charge." They look for boxing out underneath, preferably with fierce shoves and elbows. They like trash talk, icy glares. They appreciate the time-out called when an opponent steps up to the free-throw line to "make him think about it." They obsess over things like where Larry Brown and Phil Jackson will be coaching, and which team will get the #1 draft pick. And of course, they love rattling off every statistic imaginable, including but not limited to FG%, FT%, PPG, 3-point FG%.

There was plenty of non-game talk in hockey this past year with the season cancelled due to the lock out. In other years, guys wait on the edge of their seats for bench-clearing fights (preferably with gloves off). They look for brutal checking of opponents against the boards to "make them think about it." They relish every whack, thrash and slash with unbridled delight. And of course, they love rattling off every statistic imaginable, including but not limited to goals, assists and penalty minutes.

Golf is about the only sport I can think of where men and women agree on the key aspect of the game: shoot a lower score than your opponent while hitting a ball into a cup. Though guys might add that Tiger is going to jack a 350 foot drive to "make the others think about it."

(This column was originally published on townonline.com September, 2005)